You need more water or you'll dry up, little mermaid...

Hello guys...I am kind of broken today. Sometimes I think I can keep fighting, others, instead, I think I am stupid for doing so. He knows perfectly how I feel about everything and...he says things that hurt so much...Little details that matter quite a lot. I believe so strongly in our connection that maybe reality is a bit blurred for me now. Maybe I am not the only one...maybe he is interested in someone else...maybe it is just me the one who feels the magic. It drives me so mad when someone tries to hit on me via Instagram...I tell them what is going on in my life and I get so furious when they try to take advantage of my current weakness...They criticize him, tell me what a huge mistake I could make if I trusted him - do they even know him? They talk to me as friends but then, I am not silly at all, they kind of sound me out...I don't know...They say they see how amazing and beautiful I am, how special & different I am...buttering me up! But, hey! They insist they are not like him. Of course they are NOT and they will never be...How deluded they are! When I say it is EXTREMELY HARD to get my interest, maybe I should say it is ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE to lure my magic.

Maybe he just wants a casual online relationship...someone who does not interfere with his goals too much and save him any drama as he would say. I will just wait smiling...don't know how much longer I will be able to do so though. And what it worse...last night I had such beautiful dreams...no words to describe them.

My little story: She was sex, she was passion, she was lust but she was caged. He opened the door of her cage and turned her into the tiny beast she had inside. She was extremely cute & childish but she was fire and wild as hell. He could awaken both sides of her. He loved to play with his voice. She just loved his voice...He said he wanted to press his body against hers...but she knew that deep inside he wanted to caress her soul, kiss her heart and look at her in her sleep. Her dreams were never wrong and she could feel he still had some love to offer. It was a pity he had lost all his courage...How brave you were, how scared you are now!

Just keep swimming!

Happy Monday! Sending you positive vibes to start off this week with a big smile.

I'd like to share with you one of my biggest passions in life: fitness! I am a gym chick! I love lifting as heavy as I can, I love eating clean & I love challenging myself a bit more every day. I have been lifting for more than 2 years and I love the way I feel after every workout. I was afraid of getting big and bulky and it took me a very long time to get into the weight training area because I felt uncomfy surrounded by so many guys. Finally decided to train with my brother and it was the best decision I've ever made! I haven't been able to hit the gym for 17 days now and I am trying not to go insane...I badly miss it! I can't exercise due to personal reasons...but I will be back on track very soon. I've lost muscle mass, my arms are skinnier and I haven't checked my back and shoulders because I don't want to break down and cry...LOL! Yes, it is my lifestyle...it means a lot to me! So I'd rather focus on getting better and fully recovering. How is your lifestyle? I am a fidget, I need new adventures and I hate routine. Time to get my feelings off my chest! As I told you, I am a dreamer and I dream a lot. I daydream too and my imagination is so strong that I enjoy every moment - of all kinds - I imagine so much...We talked yesterday. I could see his face and listen to his voice even when it was all written. I was so happy...but I woke up to a fucking hashtag "#allineed". He is driving me crazy. What does he want? Why is he so afraid? Why doesn't he fight for me? I've fought and I'm still fighting...I just need him to make his move now. I need a viking, one who fights untiringly for love or, at least, who tries a bit and has the balls to take the risk. I am controlling myself a lot not to affect him. He has been chasing a dream for a long time and I could not forgive myself if I crushed his plans...I know how badly he wanted to become an officer. I will hold back my feelings for him to help him make his decision. I don't know why he is doubting about his main goal...I don't think it is me though - I can't lie...part of me wishes it was me the reason why because it would mean he cares a lot about me.

Now here it goes my short story: She just needed him...Nothing else. Just a few kind words were enough to make her dream and give her a glimmer of hope. She tried not to beat herself up...but she could help but wondered what he felt for her...Did he still wanted to press his body against hers and kiss her all over? Did he still like her freckles? Would he ask her to repeat words like "baby" just because he loved the way she would pronounce it? What tortured her most was, rather, was feeling she was the only one fighting, not knowing if she had a choice, expecting he would do something amazing for her sooner or later and then facing mixed signals that would leave her devastated. Sometimes she thought: "Maybe I'm not worth enough for him to fight." She would cry and then collect herself just in case he called...She just wanted him to be happy and she needed to be ready to provide him with smiles, laughs and nice words. She was scared...but what she had inside and their special connection would not allow fear to defeat love. She knew how special she was...she wanted to believe he also did. Sometimes she felt she was drowning but her magic would remind her she was a mermaid, she could breathe under the sea! She would keep waiting..."Just ask me to go there", she would repeat herself every single day. She just badly needed an act of love & deep inside she still hoped he would visit her in January...He went through a lot, she knew that. So why would not he take the chance when he had nothing to lose? She promised she would never hurt him and she never lied.

I don't know how to take this song he posted some time ago... Well she was precious, like a flower She grew wild, wild but innocent A perfect prayer in a desperate hour She was everything beautiful and different Stupid boy, you can't fence that in Stupid boy, it's like holdin' back the wind She laid her heart and soul right in your hands And you stole her every dream, and you crushed her plans She never even knew she had a choice And that's what happens when the only voice she hears is telling her she can't Stupid boy Stupid boy So, what made you think you could take a life And just push it, push it around I guess to build yourself up so high You had to take her and break her down Well She laid her heart and soul right in your hands And you stole her every dream, and you crushed her plans She never even knew she had a choice And that's what happens when the only voice she hears is telling her she can't You stupid boy You always had to be right And now you lost the only thing that ever made you feel alive, oh ho Yeah, yeah She laid her heart and soul right in your hands, yeah And you stole her every dream and you crushed her plans, yes you did She never even knew she had a choice And that's what happens when the only voice she hears is telling her she can't You stupid boy Oh, I'm the same old, same old stupid boy It took a while for her to figure out she could run But when she did, she was long gone, long gone

Enjoy the week, the weekend and...Christmas are around the corner!

My life under the sea

Hello! This is my first post and I'd like to introduce myself a little bit. My name is Noe, I am a Pisces and above all a little mermaid lost in a sea of fish...Why? Because I am magic! I'm talking about my spirit, my soul, my heart and my inside. I am a very special and different girl.

I'm about to hit the thirties. People used to tell me I would become less passionate and softy with time...How wrong they were! I am extremely lively, a happy-go-lucky sort of girl. My positive energy is contagious. I am a smiler, a dreamer, a hopeless romantic and a warrior at heart. Yes, I act like a real baby sometimes -many times. I have a strong character, I don't know how to control myself and I just let myself go when it comes to feelings. I can be a real pain if I want something. I trust too much and open my heart easily when I feel some magic. I am crazy as fuck in a good sense. I act without thinking, others keep thinking without acting. Changes scare me a lot. My determination helps me get what I really want but it also keeps me trying until I'm broken. I can't give up on anything or anybody I feel special about. Luckily, my heart and mind are so connected they usually agree. I am wild, extremely wild. I'm up for anything, I'd take any risk, whatever it is when I know it is worth it. I love spontaneity, travelling & nature. I am the most loyal friend you can make. I never lie, it would be like killing myself. I insist too much....I can sense things that others can't - I call it super power. I am always willing to do anything for love. When I am down....I am tremendously depressed. I need high doses of affection and attention. I read eyes to know what people have in their minds. I may not approve what you do but I will never ever judge you.

I could keep going but I am sure you will get a picture of me if you keep reading my posts. I am dealing with a very delicate and painful situation which was sweet as honey and magical like my dreams...My posts will be about my sweets memories from the past, my present which I take as it comes, my future which is fed by my imagination...my life.

This is a text I wrote some days ago and it is based on my sweet memories, true story for sure. I can't go a day without thinking of those moments...my whole body knows how special we could be together and despite I try...I don't want to move on and surrender. You know, when the world says 'Give up. What has he done for you? He doesn't care anymore, don't you see it?", hope whispers "Just wait, he will realize how much he misses you. He will put your magic connection before anything else. He is not dorky, he is a warrior at heart just like you. Give him some time even if it hurts and always be there for him. You both are special".

"Are you spontaneous?" he asked her, not knowing how pure her heart was, how wild her love could get to be, how courageous she was, how blindly she believed in magic. "Sure!" she replied. For him it was going to the beach, an unplanned 4 hours drive. No bookings. No place to stay in. If she was asked about spontaneity...she would surely say: "Let's meet halfway, just take the next flight to Paris & I will show you how healthy madness can get to be. Let's eat crêpes - a cheat meal for sure! - & let ourselves go for once. I won't ever hurt you. We can live every moment to the fullest. I can make you laugh every day. You will know what it feels like to be loved beyond words".

She would imagine and dream about so many beautiful situations...she could almost feel his touch, figure out what he smelled like & think of his body pressed against hers. She would put spontaneity into practise in a heartbeat if he asked her to. Just for once in a lifetime. Her inner sparkle helped her to believe against all odds in their magical connection. She got weaker with hard times and his mixed signals but kept refusing to give up on him. She would break down every day but she had an angel in heaven watching over her she used to call grandpa who lifted her up. She would just resign to be his friend, not just another one but that one you talk to & share your thoughts with. She did not really want to lose him. Magic is so hard to find and so was it going to be for her to surrender. Sometimes she felt he had lost all the interest but her day to day life kept sending signals she just could not ignore. All she needed was to know what was in his mind and what he felt about her...to eventually find peace.